Carnoustie

I wrote this a few years back when the regular 
tour was playing the British Open at this course. This year...the seniors are playing at the same
course ... poor guys ... I thought it appropriate.
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…………. Maiden by the Sea………………..

There’s a Scottish lass that brings grown men to their knees…

Their bodies caressed by a nearby cool sea breeze..

But she’s not for the faint of heart nor the slightly ill at ease…

And sometimes this breeze becomes a gale,

Or she gets ugly, rough, hardy and hale;

Much more than enough for the strongest male.

She’s a strapping gal of generous size;

An unusual sight for any man’s eyes…

Still,…..  considered to be a genuine prize.

No’ a soft touch, her’s; no inviting glade or glen.

She’s a hag, a bag and a bog-witch; not a caring mother hen.

She’s cruel, she’s mean, and if you dare to give her a try, you’ll ken.

Yet, suitors arrive from all of the map;

Hardly daring to sleep or even to nap;

Hoping she’ll favor the tip of their cap.

     They’d best all be in finest fettle,

For a wench like this will never just “settle”.

She seeks the best – a man of rarest mettle.

Don’t even consider her for a young man’s flirtation…

This is serious intent only; no other situation ..

Truly this one is a Major initiation…

She’s a men’s league special with a claret jug as a treasure,

A she-devil named Carnoustie lads; and she’s mean about giving pleasure.

It’s merely a cruel trick to test the best man’s measure..

So, step forward fellas and take your chance,

But don’t be silly or quick in a careless advance;

For only the clever and patient survive in this dance.

Can this maid be conquered or perhaps fairly won?

Which man will dare to make the final skillful run?

We’ll only know when the last few steps are done.