I seem to have lost my "muchness".....

... just as the Hatter told Alice she had lost hers.  Somewhere in there... "poke, poke"....

I used to have more, so much more.  Muchness that is.  Where did it go?  When did I become so spineless?  So panicky at the least little thing? Sigh..... it's not only golf, but at the moment, that is the key thing.

Trying to learn how to golf is taking its toll.  My confidence is non existent and I feel sick to my stomach just driving over to the golf course to play on ladies day.  It's ridiculous.  I'm hoping if I say it all aloud... and also to myself many times over...I'll get over it.....somehow...miraculously.  At least, so far....quitting is not an option.  I want to do this.

I even took a lesson, and felt quite confident for a day or two with my newly acquired knowledge ... .....but... somehow I've either forgotten what the pro said..or am not doing it quite correctly...or... well, who really knows what's happening.  All I know is that on Tuesday morning, when I went to play...I almost sneaked back to the parking lot and drove home.  I couldn't hit a damn ball off the practice mats even before we teed off...and I was in total panic mode by the time I had to introduce myself to my fellow golfers.

Somehow I did have a good enough first tee ball and some subsequent decent shots to the first hole and the butterflies madly flopping around and dying in my stomach disappeared.... but, I never did seem to feel relaxed with my swing for the day's round.  Probably was the mound of dead butterflies.

All I want to do is be able to play a decent round of golf...to feel confident enough to step up to my shot and not even have to think about it...just whack the damn ball and be happy with my result.  I wonder if that will happen?  Two years ago I was hitting the ball much better.... some little thing has happened to my swing and to my brain ...I think..... but, who really knows what is happening.

I belong to a beautiful course; the world is my oyster and yet, I seem to be allergic from the way my stomach is reacting.......

Maybe I'll just eat cake instead.... if you want a piece too .... go here...... this one's especially for you Shashi....finally got around to putting on the recipe.

And, on the Frabjous day.... when it happens...I shall Futterwacken ... vigourously!


                                                                                    

maybe even out on the island green....